Behing Every Smile

I'm getting tired and bored with this blog. From August 2004 till now, I have been stick to the same old blog. There are just too much of stories here.

Maybe it's time to change into a new one. No more meaningless daily routine, but just the true self. I have to be more honest to myself.

Catch my new blog here --> Behind Every Smile

=\

I want to blog, but I am a a loss of what to blog about.

Weather is still hot. Workload is still heavy. School life is still so far so good.

Plans have been interrupted. Saturday is meant for rest, or outings with friends. But now... I will have to go back to my campus, attending a meaningless cum time-wasting seminar. I have to submit a report by then. There are 20 questions to be answered in the report. And I have done 75% of it till now.

There will be a meeting session with supervisor after the seminar. We are already at the end of our teaching practice, what is the point for the meeting session?

(Can I tell my supervisor that I am not free that day?)

And, my dear coursemates want to have a big gathering on that day after the things in campus. It will be our last gathering before our graduation.

What a busy Saturday. I thought I can go Genting... But now, what to do?


p/s: CY, let me know your decision for the weekend trip. I really need to arrange my time for all the things on Saturday.

继续加油

今早我的教授来给我做了第二次的评估。

我已经开始掌握到我的学生的个性了，对于那几个比较爱捣蛋、爱打瞌睡、爱发白日梦的家伙，我时常会在教书的时候叫她们起来回答问题，或者是去白板上演算答案。基本上而言，只要他们都在状况之内，是没有什么大问题的。

之前她们都在holiday mood，没有上课的心情，这次就不一样了。一切的比赛、活动都已经结束，学生终于可以好好上课，老师终于可以好好教书，真的是皆大欢喜！

上一次教授来给我做评估，学生们告诉我说，她们不敢问问题，因为我的教授坐在后面看她们，她们怕会被骂。这班小女生真的是好可爱又好好笑啊！我告诉她们说：“什么都不必害怕，一切就如平常一样，有问题就问，不明白就说出来，没有人会骂你们的。” 她们这才放下心来。

这次的上课情形，学生们一有不明白的地方就会主动发问，有人不专心也会马上被我叫来回答问题，就和平常的上课情形一样。基本上而言，坐在后面的教授似乎不存在，一切都不受影响。

我要的就是这样！教授来或不来，根本就不是重点，课始终都是要上的，不是吗？

当然，我还是希望接下来，一切都会越来越顺利！

继续加油吧！

天空

今天下午的天空，很美。





你最后一次抬头仔细欣赏天空的美，是什么时候的事？

Aging

Mum is still not getting any better. She is still feeling bad with her digestive system, dizziness and poor appetite.

"Maybe it's just some of the symptoms for menopause..." A friend said so.

After browsed through some information about menopause. I find that my mum has some of the symptoms as stated. Well, she is 49 this year. And this is the process that a woman will go through, which means, my mum is aging.

So, I think that this is the reason. Anyway, I will tell her to go for a check-up as soon as possible.

Hope that the last three weeks of my teaching practice will end soon.

给我的爸爸

亲爱的爸爸：

其实心里面有很多话都从来没有说出口，因为不习惯，所以觉得很难为情。

去年我亲手做的卡片，里面写了相当肉麻的话，不知道你看到之后的反应是如何？

今年的父亲节礼物，很开心看到你拆了包装纸之后就马上将旧的钱包换掉，看来你是很喜欢我买的钱包吧！

今年七月，你就到了退休的年龄。问问我自己，似乎还没有那个让你完全“退隐江湖”的能力。我真得要努力一点，为了我们一家人的前途和“钱途”而好好拼搏。

我的毕业典礼，希望会是你也感到很高兴和光荣的一天。你一直说当天要工作，不可以上来KL。但你放心吧！我一定会想办法让你的老板放人的！

愿你身体健康！一切顺利！



爱你的女儿，
淑君
于2007年6月18日

Insomnia?!

Did not sleep well for these two days. Went to bed around 11pm. And I found myself still awake by 1am. When I finally fell asleep, I woke up several times before my alarm rang at 5.50am.

And the result is, I felt terrible when trying to wake up in the morning.

Am I toubling over something?

Nope.

I guess that the reason is.... I slept too much in the evening.

(Slept from 5pm till 7pm. No wonder la....)

So I did not nap in the evening today. I kept myself busy with work. Feel very sleepy now. Hope that I will have sweet dreams tonight!

MAD

"Are you free on 16th?"

"I don't think so. I maybe will go home on Friday for fathers' day. Want to go and see dentist as well."

"Monday no work meh?"

"School got some activities on Monday. No class teaching that day so can relax a bit."

"So nice. So what do you buy for your father?"

"I bought him a wallet. Got sales =) Don't know what else can buy..."

"That's good. But if there is some money inside, I am sure that your father will like it more. Your parents are quite old, when do you plan to let them retire? You may think that now you just graduate, need some time to fulfill their wish. But ask yourself, when?"

" (choose to reply nothing) "

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Damn it! She is still not giving up on asking me to join those MLM thing.

Ya, I know that I need to earn money and let my parents to lead a better life and give them the best in everything that I could.

Ya, I know that one should have more self-awareness in his/her financial planning.

Ya, I know that what is stated in the top-selling "Poor Dad, Rich Dad".

But what the hell do all these have to relate with your MLM thing?

You better back off before I scold at your face with the most foul words that I can utter out from my mouth.

噩梦

已经是连续第二次做这样的噩梦了。

梦中已经是放假后回到学校教书的情景，一切都很混乱。已经连接准确、平时运用自如的投影机和电脑，竟然会被驳接得乱七八糟、不听使唤。明明是只有女生的学校，不知怎么的，竟然会跑出一堆男生在课室里一起上课。原本做好的教学计划被打乱了，平时都能处变不惊、随机应变的我，竟然呆呆地不知要做什么去补救。更不可思议的是，我那几个喝茶kaki竟然就坐在课室外的休息处喝茶，还在我上课前和我聊了好久。

难道，梦境反映现实？学校里的设备在假期期间真的被移动过？我的教学会出现不可设想的突发状况？

还是再次检查一下我所准备的资料和教学计划，星期一大清早还要去看一下实验室里面的设备和器材。

我似乎，有一点杯弓蛇影……

House warming

It was FF's house warming party yesterday. She invited many of her friends to attend it. Well, actually I was quite worried that it might end up to be a direct sales talk, but luckily it did not turn out to be so.

(FF accidentally typed "house warming" as "house warning" in her sms to us )

I went together with Chok and ShiowIng. ChiaHeng and TatWai also joined us for a while. (The two guys arrived at 8.15pm and they had a 8.45pm movie to catch!) We bought FF a present but I have no idea with what it is as Chok is the one who bought it.

The house is really a big one. Heard that it spends about RM300,000 including the rebuild of the house and the cost of the furniture.

Chok and I both found it strange as her boyfriend did not attend. This can be considered as a big occassion for her and he should be there. But he was not there. So we asked her and she just said that he is not free.

The three of us (Chok, SI and I) stayed until 10.30pm before we went to fetch WaWa and meet PC for yamcha session where CH and TW came to join us too after their movie. Another crappy night with them talking about movies and other funny stories.

A piece of news for update: CaNon is getting married this December 22.

Err... I hope that I won't be invited for the wedding dinner. (I am not really familiar with him la...)



* Edited @ 7 June 2007 *

Yamcha session again with Chok, WaWa, TatWai and ChiaHeng. Chok came to fetch me first and we had some gossips over what happened the day before.

FF sms-ed us (so far I know that PC, Chok and I get the sms) and told us that she has actually broken up with the guy.

(No wonder he did not appear in the house warming party.)

Well, I am not good at comforting people so I just told some jokes and congratulated her for being single again by saying that many guys will be overjoyed hearing this. She seemed to be entertained by my silly jokes.

But, what Chok received is TOTALLY different. She accused him (actually I am accused too) for leaving her out for the yamcha session. Well, she is the host for the party. She has so many relatives there. Could we ask her out then?

Chok replied her so, saying that we knew she is busy so we did not ask her along. Then she shooted back, saying that we never ask her to join any yamcha session, we always keep her in dark of some secrets, bla bla bla...

Well, this is a good point. But when did she ever tell us when she is at home? And how are going to ask her out when we do not know that she is home? Usually it's like this, when I am back, I will tell Chok, then he will arrange for a yamcha session if others are also in Kluang.

(What made Chok most angry is that she said, " ...you all always kept me in dark... now only I know that good friends also got secrets..." )

Hellooooo... Be sensible a bit la... What kind of secrets do you mean? Yamcha without you must be having secrets? How old are we now? Still THAT childish and wu-liao huh?

What is she expecting? And please lor.... When we asked her out, she will reject us 8 out of 10 times. And even if she comes out, she will keep yawning or pulling a long face as if we are torturing her. We are so keen to talk to her as we seldom meet her up yet she will usually just replies us with not more than 10 words in a sentence -.-"

When we know that she is back (as she will still tell us then) and ask her along, she said she is tired, sleepy, don't feel like to go out, not feeling well, etc etc.... Now when we don't know that she is back now (as she always secretly goes home and doesn't let us know) and so don't ask her out, we are accused as leaving her out to be alone. Just what kind of theory is that?!

At the age of 25 or 26, I have a friend who is playing such a childish and wu-liao "game".

Chok is speechless in front of her unreasonable statements. But she did not dare to say so to me, as she knows that I will sure reasoning with her with the facts.

Poor Chok said, "I am quite angry actually... But never mind lor... She just broke up with her boyfriend, I am unlucky to be her target..."

It's getting harder and harder to understand this friend of mine. Just what is wandering in her mind?

STPM承诺

整理房间的当儿，我发现了这好笑的东西。

这张破纸片有五年多的历史，难得我还保存到现在。上面写的，是当年我念中六面临考试之际，和几个同学之间互相开的玩笑。

破纸片里的内容如下：

STPM承诺：

1. 玮贤考到4个A，请吃Heidi。
2. 伟祥考到4个A，请大家去欧洲双人游。
3. 阿Ken考到4个A，飞身灌篮给我们看。
4. 俊仪考到4个A，一人一粒糖。
5. Diana考到4个A，午觉睡多两个小时。
6. 阿怪考到4个A，早餐加多两个蛋。
7. De Fa考到4个A，请Miss Foo 看电影。
8. 燕昌考到4个A，请我们吃大便。
9. 娟娟考到4个A，厕所她来洗。
10. 阿Ken考到4个A，Michael Jackson 陪他睡两天。
11. Robert Soong考到4个A，Morgan帮他冲凉。
12. 伟祥考到4个A，大便上的苍蝇都不信。
13. 玮贤考到4个A，Sultan给他做。
14. 阿Ken考到4个A，阿萍和阿如一起娶。
15. De Fa考到4个A，玮贤一个礼拜不要大便。
16. Diana考到4个A，阿Ken和玮贤比赛看谁最久不要大便。

（在打出这些内容的当儿，我笑到不能自己。）

这些“承诺”，是有一天没有上课、大家都很无聊在闲聊、“车大炮”的时候，突然兴起而产生的。我当时扯下了我那本test pad的纸皮，就开始记录了这些内容。前面两个是我写的，后面的十四个则是伟祥写的。

（不得不佩服伟祥的搞笑功力，他那“无厘头”的创意，可不是任何人都学得来的。）

事隔多年，这些所谓的“承诺”，自然只是一时无聊才写下来的玩笑话，也是当时面临考试压力之际的一个情绪抒发。

五年多以后的今天，我看到这张破纸片，还是笑到肚子痛，不禁又怀念起那段满是压力，却又充满欢笑的日子。

原本想将这破纸片丢掉，但最后，还是将它收了起来。或者，几年后当我又再次收拾这些杂物的时候，看到这张破纸片，还是会笑得不能自己。

Cherish

Sms-ed Chok this morning as I thought that we can meet Diana tonight since she is back in Kluang. Later on he called me back saying that he is at CherLuanKor as a friend's dad has just passed away.

It's really a sudden. Days ago I saw the friend's private in msn saying that he needs to go home immediately as something happens. Now only I know that he lost his dad.

Thought of sms or call him, but also at a loss of what to tell him.

Cherish your family and loved ones before it is too late.

Wonderful Thursday

I wore baju kurung to school today. When I passed by my Form 1M class, my students said that, “Cikgu pakai baju kurung hari ini!”, “Cikgu, cantiklah cikgu pakai baju kurung!”…

And I have the students in Form 4J during my relief class saying that, “Teacher, you look good in baju kurung.”

Haha… Girls, thanks for the compliments! Guess that the very broad cutting of baju kurung hide away all my fat and make me look better =p

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Taught the Form 4T girls for the second time. I only have 15 girls in the class, four were absent and another five went for some activities and rehearsal.

Everyone is in holiday mood and some of them eventually yawned many times in the class. However, things become better after some group activities. Think that I should have more activities rather than just showing PowerPoint.

The girls asked for my friendster and MSN. Duh! They will be seeing my funny pics in friendster!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I went back to campus this afternoon to see Prof. Wong as he missed out marking for one session in my evaluation form. Then I talked to him over my problem.

I have three to five students in the Form 1M class who cannot perform simple basic number operations, i.e. the girls have problem to solve “8-5=?” or “6+9=?”

Well, I have to admit that their level is too differing. Most of the Chinese girls in that class have quite strong basic. The Indian girls have average basic understanding. But most of the Malay girls have very weak basic. I will show you a simple summary of my girls’ performance here.

• I have 18 Malay girls. 2 of them passed their mid-year mathematics exam. (Actually I added one mark to one of the girl as she scored 39, less one mark to pass.)
• I have 11 Chinese girls. 9 of them passed. 3 of them scored are the top three scorers.
• I have 6 Indian girls. 3 of them passed.
  

Big trouble, isn’t it?

Prof. Wong said that my class is actually harder to teach as the difference in the girls’ ability is too great. I agree with that as I actually have the dilemma when doing my lesson planning after considering their ability.

It is a great challenge to teach a class with students of differ ability. I cannot go too fast but at the same time I cannot go too slow! I think that I am going to re-teach the integer part after the school holiday as I know that they will sure forget this part after two weeks! But this is an important fundamental skill for the following topics!

How can I make them remember and master the skill?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Had my posting submitted this afternoon too. The feeling is like… Handing out something that is going to determine your future.

Who knows what is going to happen then?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Best news of the day.

First, it is Thursday. Tomorrow there will be a belated Teachers’ Day celebration in my school. After that will be TWO WEEKS HOLIDAY!!!

Second, my Geology exam result is released. I scored A =)

两全其美？

明天还有两堂的化学，根据星期一的经验，将原本已经做好的教学计划作了一些更动，增加了更多的例子，并且融入了一些让学生参与教学过程的活动。

其实，一切都还是在摸索、探知的阶段，她们的喜好与个性，我都不甚了解，扣除学校里各种活动所占据的时间，剩下的教学时间真的是太有限了。

关于今天的教学评估，我想，一切还是必须以学生为本。但是，这样一来就会拖慢进度，如果到时候无法达到本科老师要求的课程进度，我要如何解释呢？这黑锅我扛得起吗？两者之间的拿捏，是很难决定的，而且再加上学生的程度和时常无故缺课，更加是雪上加霜。

算了，到时候的事，到时候再打算吧！

本科老师说：“不用管她们，你照着你的计划去教课就可以了。”
典型的现实派、有经验的学校老师。

我的评估主任说：“不要被教学计划所约束，学生不明白就要解释到他们明白为止。”
典型的理想主义、没有在学校教学经验的教授。

伟大一点的话，对学生就是一件好事；自私一点的话，对自己就是一件好事。

我夹在两者之间，应该做何选择？

朋友给的提议：
教授来的时候，就照着教授要的方式来教。
其它的时候，就照着本科老师说的方法来教。

这样做……真的两全其美吗？

矛盾

一个实习老师的教学进度，应该跟着课程纲要进行、根据学生的程度、根据老师的教学计划、还是跟着评估教授的要求，来决定呢？

那班学生今天都很安静，但这不是我要的，我宁愿她们像平时那样活泼，有问题就马上发问，而不是像今天那样，不懂装懂，搞得乱七八糟。

经过两个星期的考试，我之前教过的内容，她们早就忘得一干二净。但是，没有看到之前上课情形的教授，只看到今天一大半学生们的不明白，就认为我的教学目的没有达到，认为我所做的不够。

要在有限的时间里教完课程纲要，按照已经拟定好的教学计划来授课；还是不管时间和课程纲要进度的限制，一直解释到所有的学生都明白为止呢？

难以抉择啊！

My new room

It has been a week since I moved into this new room of mine.

My new room


The view from my window.
Pretty nice, with a lot of trees =)

Has been getting used with the new environment. It is strange that I did not go into the wrong room. I have been living in the previous room for almost 4 years. It has become a habit for me to take a left turn after coming out from the lift. But I met no difficulties to take a right turn now after come out from lift.

It's Sunday, a very hot Sunday. Ironed my clothes this morning and cleaned the room. There are some cockroaches in the room. Well, the room is actually very messy and dusty when I first moved in. That's why I chose to move in immediately on that Friday since the new roommates are not in the room that day and I can take my time to clean the room.

So it is actually better now after I cleaned the ceiling fan+lamps, dusty wall+ceiling, dirty shower room+toilet, and messy space behind the door. Bought some naphtalene to get rid of "siu keong" as well.

I am glad that I can get used with the new environment now, and changing it into a better one =)

Friends?

Chok sms-ed me this afternoon. He said that he has been receiving forwarded sms from FF recently at an extra-out-of-ordinary-rate. He is wondering of why she is being so keen in taking the initiative in sending sms to her friends lately, as that is really not her style.

Well, I have been receiving similar messages too. Those are actually just some meaningless forwarded messages which request you to forward them to others so that you will have good luck or sort-of craps. I never forward such sms to others so I just simply ignored them.

I think that I can guess the reason of why she is being so keen to keep in touch with old friends recently. The reason should be her ambitious dream in establishing her direct sales career.

Then Chok said, "Sigh.... Then we less one friend whom we can talk about our 'xin shi' le..."

I kinda agree with him.

But, what can we do?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Then this evening, Kim talked to me in msn saying that she will go back home tomorrow. And FF contacted her lately, saying that she will be in Kluang too tomorrow and they might be able to have a meet.

Well.... Maybe I am being prejudiced in this. But it is really very obvious that FF really has up to something.

Kim herself is not silly too. She said that she can sense it since FF actually NEVER contact her after we graduated from secondary school. And actually, she is busy too when back in home as she has to go back to her own parents' house and also her parents-in-law's place.

It is actually quite pathetic as the situation now is "when a long lost contact friend suddenly keep in touch with you, there is a very high possibility that he/she is doing things like direct sales, insurance or unit trust now."

Everyone is talking about building up own career and become self-employed, huh?

没眼看……

今天遭受了不小的打击……

终于将考卷批改完毕，我已经尽量放宽我的批改尺度，也给了不少的同情分，结果出来的成绩真的是让我几乎吐血。

全班一共三十五人，竟然有二十三个人“肥佬”(fail)；也就是说，我所教导的班级，有六十六巴仙的人不及格。

我真的是高估了她们，难怪每个老师都告诉我说这个班级很差，说她们的程度不好，叫我不要有太高的期望。现在我亲身体验之后，看到她们的纪律那么糟糕，时常不交功课，成绩又考得那么烂，我终于明白了。

只有几个华人女生考到比较好的成绩，另外几个马来女生和几个印度女生及格。

接下来所要教导的课程内容会更加深奥，以她们的程度……

我……真的是没眼看了……

亡羊补牢

这是一则令人很遗憾的新闻。

小孩子太会想，却又太不会想，选择踏上了一条不归路。
捉襟见肘的生活，真的是很辛苦。
朋友的讪笑，真的是很伤人。
老师的不够细心，真的是很疏忽。
有缺憾的家庭，真的是让人难过。

如果没有自杀的小男生，有多少人会知道这样悲惨的家庭？
有多少同学会知道自己已经犯下了无法弥补的错误？
又有多少老师会知道自己是多么的失败？

这就是现今社会的通病，一切都是那么冷漠，事不关己，能避则避。
政府能做的有限，亲朋戚友能帮的也有限，学校老师看得到的更加有限。

往往都是等到有事情发生了，各个方面才来表示自己的关心、表达自己的遗憾。
说着各种各样“早知道……”的理由，提出谴责多方面的控词。

人都已经死了，说什么都没有用。
现在可能还有很多人会提出各种方法来给予他们一些援助，造福其他相同命运的儿童。
过了一阵子，事件平息了，有多少人还会去理会他们的生死存亡？

亡羊补牢，真的未为迟也？

Third week

It's Monday. It's the third week of my teaching practice. Eight more weeks to go, including the two weeks holiday =p

Life is bored. Have been reading about electrochemistry recently. It is the topic which I HATE the most when I was in secondary school. I still remember that there was a question of this topic in my SPM Chemistry paper 2, and I got it all wrong because I was confused with the anode and cathode thing.

And, I am still a bit confused now.